Talking dirty, if not your usual cup of tea, can seem a bit intimidating or trashy.  What do I say?  How do I say it?  Will I sound silly? And yes, its a bit trashy and for lack of a better word.  Lets substitute "trashy" with SPICY!  Change your mindset and challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone for a minute.  You never know, it may be just the spark needed to light a fire in your relationship. 

You can start with a simple text message about how "hot" your spouse looks today.  Lean in or come up from behind and extend an invitation to engaged in something naughty softly in your spouses ear...Thoughts?  Still feel embarrassed or is that not SPICY enough?

With these tips I discovered from Dr. Laura, you can shake your nerves and say what you want, the way YOU want to say it.  Check this out!

- The first is to take a paragraph from a sexy story. Lift a passage from your favorite Danielle Steel, or do an online search for "erotica." Type up the text, then go through it and delete key words. If you ever played Mad Libs as a kid, you know how it works: Nouns, adjectives, verbs, and adverbs are replaced by your partner with no sense of the story's real context. Only this time, the vocabulary's a bit more grown-up!  I never played "Mad Libs" but I do like the idea of searching sexy or erotic love  stories for ideas!

- The other way is to take the driest writing and sex it up with a "naughty words only" rule. Try a news story from today's headlines, or clip an ad from a magazine. It's fun to see how sexy you can get about fabric softener!  This may help you shake some nerves.  Its simple and you can play with some dirty vocabulary and incorporate it into daily conversation.  For example, "Hey babe.  Did you hear about the news story on high frutose corn syrup?  Not sure what the fuss is about, but I like the thought of something sweet and sticky.  What you about you?"  I don't know...just trying to help.   Not too bad for off the top if you ask me!  LOL

- If games aren't your thing, you can still spice up your connection with the power of the written word. Read erotica out loud in the bedroom before you hit the sack (think options such as Best Sex Writing 2010by Rachel Kramer Bussel, Afternoon Delight: Erotica For Couplesby Alison Tyler, Flipside Erotica presents: Both Sides of the Story Vol. 1 by Darren Michaels, and Bitten: Dark Erotic Stories by Susie Bright) As you read the stories, you will likely come up with a whole host of ideas to keep you busy well into the night.  If you decide to forgo the dirty talk, maybe a kinky text or email?  You can use these tips for inspiration.  Or if you are a "I can show better than I can tell you type", this tip can still help get YOU in the mood for a SPICY night!

- Another idea is to write you partner a x-rated love note. If you are like most couples, you have likely exchanged love letters in this past, but this note will be a completely different animal. Be graphic and bold, and spell out every little thing you want to do your partner and vice versa. If you are seeking inspiration, turn to written erotica or check out a classic collection of poetry by authors such poets such as Robert Herrick, C. P. Cavafy, Walt Whitman, and e.e cummings.  I know my husband would respond well to a sexy love letter.  Leave it on his pillow.  Mix it in to his pile of bills.  Add a few naughty items to his "Honey Do List" on the fridge.  (If it's private.  Don't want the kids or company to see it I suppose.)

On "Talking Dirty"

Hearing your partner’s voice whispering his most intimate highly erotic, and doing the same for him will feel incredibly naughty and empowering. Feeling shy? Start slow by simply moaning or cooing your approval whenever he strokes or touches you in just the right way. Then, move forward to whispering your pleasure by saying “That feels so good” or “I love it when you touch me like that.” After you break those barriers (and see how much your partner enjoys it), you will feel bold enough to start being more graphic and uninhibited.

After you master dirty talk, try being more vocal about your hidden fantasies and desires. Whisper your secret fantasies to your partner over a intimate, candlelit dinner, and seduce him with your inner desires as you lay cuddling in bed. Whether you turn to mad libs, erotica, poetry, or the spoken word, just make sure to give voice your desires and harness the sexy power of words.

I so love Dr. Laura and her tips!  What are your thoughts?

Will you try any of these tips?  Are you already fluent in the language of lust, share some your ideas!

 Quin, Spicy Wifey Creator

Her new television show, In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman, is featured on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network, at 10 pm Monday evenings. She is also the Host of The Dr. Laura Berman Show on Oprah Radio on XM 111 and Sirius 204 at 5 PM EST.